he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
