It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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