I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
