when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
