I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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