I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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