I cockslap morals
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
