I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
my poor anus
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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