All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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