mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
