btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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