Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pants are for mortals
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize