Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize