I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
