I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
