Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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