so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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