Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
