So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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