he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
