my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
