I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
