DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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