Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
