So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize