her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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