All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
