So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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