I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
