is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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