There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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