He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The adults are the big ones right?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
