So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
