Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
