i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
