Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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