I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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