You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
