I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
