i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
