I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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