I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
