it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
