you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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