I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
