Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
