i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
