I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
