How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
