remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
