I'm going to jail i love you
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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