did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
