What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
