I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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