he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
