Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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