But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
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