got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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