I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
