You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
PANTIES FOUND
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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