Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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