This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
