How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
