I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
