Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
