I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
