if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
