it hurts more in the daytime
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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