you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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