who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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