so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
