Umm I'm too high to move.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
