I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
