Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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