How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
